Too Much is an autobiographical book by British comedian Tom Allen about grief and about getting older. It’s a beautiful look at his relationship with his recently deceased father and how the advice his father used to give him has touched his life. It’s an up beat and funny look at major life changes and what is most important in life – the people that we love.
You don’t need to know anything about Tom Allen to read this or to even have heard of him. He’s an incredibly moving writer at times and also deeply funny in a very personal account of his relationship with his family. At the stage of writing the book the world has just started opening up from the pandemic, he has moved in with his first serious boyfriend from his parents house at age 37 and his Dad has died. It’s a lot to take in over a short space of time.
The book is in some ways a series of funny stories and entertaining observations around serious life changing events but to say only that would be limiting. There is such a lot of thought put into how to string them together into a truly touching story of love and a feeling of how we interact with our parents as we and they grow older. Our eventually taking over from the generation above us into rather reluctantly becoming adults and all that adulthood brings with it. (Large emphasis on taking out the bins.)
I felt a real connection to the author in their vulnerability at sharing these stories. Some aspects of what they shared really connected with me and I absolutely felt that way. I think that as a comedian Allen has really been able to take his powers of observation and his ability to connect with an audience to share something that at times feels universal and intimate. It’s really clever and well written.
This book really surprised me. I wasn’t expecting such depth and to feel so much from reading it. Grief is a topic generally avoided and I am sure that I would have normally avoided it. It was a wish to support a friend who has recently lost a parent that tipped the balance into reading it. I wanted to understand better how they felt and it opened so much up for me. There are some practical tips in there for those who have experienced a loss but also in some ways tips for those of us who have yet to lose a parent.
I felt that there had been a change in Allen’s view of his relationship with his parents after the loss and that in combination with reflecting on everything to write the book really had given clarity as to all the ways his parents were expressing love in surprising ways he hadn’t picked up on at the time. How sometimes as children of our parents we misunderstand their wanting to help us with ours homes and what seems like criticism can actually sometimes just be their way of showing us they love us and helping in a practical way. It made me really think about my parents and how frustrating I find it when my parents visit and fix things in my house. I don’t want them to reclean my shower head or sand the back step but actually it does come from a place of love. I hadn’t been ready to hear that before but I think I am now. Perhaps next time I’ll just let them do it.
This is a really special book. I look forward to sharing it with my friend in the coming months. There’s really something in here for a lot of people. I am unlikely to forget this book. It’s a triumph. I laughed, I cringed at some of the stories and in the end pages I cried. Amazingly not from sadness but a kind of beautiful joy. Definitely worth the time to read it when the time is right for you.
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